either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
