Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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