you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
only you would photoshop your dick
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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