so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
