He uses pillows to masturbate.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
