if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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