you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
