I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
