It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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