4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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