and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
