i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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