Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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