My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
