i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
