It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
