Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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