Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just wanna soil my oats bro
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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