Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
