season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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