I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
