He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
