so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
