We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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