I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
