So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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