So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
