Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
