haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
