I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
