According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I think a kid would responsible me up
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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