Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
