There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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