if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
this hospital has no fireball
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
