i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
