i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
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