i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
