Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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