I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
my penis made a compromise with my morals
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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