Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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