Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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