i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
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She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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