What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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