well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
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