If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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