Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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