I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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