dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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