ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
