What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
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With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
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