we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
