And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
