Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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