Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
