that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
