How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
