OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
