I've blown a few things in my day
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
