if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
