what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
