they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Mom said you looked used
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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