I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
