I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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