I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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