I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
