I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
