I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
