I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Be still, my beating vagina.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
