my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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