He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
