I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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