My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize