oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
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