How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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