We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
