What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Hippo gnu deer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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