What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
