I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
