That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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