Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
