These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
