THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
