I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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