A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
