Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
