can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
