yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
